blutybiru

 I am sitting in my own clothes, and somehow it had a hint of you, the scent that lingers when I was in your arms How could that be? Last time we saw each other was months ago, and this is my home clothes

 Has it been an hour?  That I've been trying to sleep? I used to tell myself that I needed to cry atleast once a week to get my system going. That if I wasn't crying, then I must've been avoiding all these emotions simply by scrolling. Now I regulate my emotions through journaling. But sometimes the thoughts get too loud and fast that it becomes a hustle to even pick up a pen.  There are many versions of him that I remember in my head. The one that I'm thinking about just now is the safe haven I use to have around him. Negative thoughts being shut down and my nervous system regulates better and I become sleepier.  The version that becomes cold now, refuses to go to therapy because he thinks it does nothing for him. Maybe it's just that it wasn't right for him. But it can't help but seem like he is running from emotions yet again distracting himself.  The version that I refuses to think about but somehow always slipped through my mouth everytime someone asks ...