blutybiru

 Has it been an hour?  That I've been trying to sleep? I used to tell myself that I needed to cry atleast once a week to get my system going. That if I wasn't crying, then I must've been avoiding all these emotions simply by scrolling. Now I regulate my emotions through journaling. But sometimes the thoughts get too loud and fast that it becomes a hustle to even pick up a pen.  There are many versions of him that I remember in my head. The one that I'm thinking about just now is the safe haven I use to have around him. Negative thoughts being shut down and my nervous system regulates better and I become sleepier.  The version that becomes cold now, refuses to go to therapy because he thinks it does nothing for him. Maybe it's just that it wasn't right for him. But it can't help but seem like he is running from emotions yet again distracting himself.  The version that I refuses to think about but somehow always slipped through my mouth everytime someone asks ...

 Sometimes I snack a little too much, read a little too long, 

 do something so often that it becomes second nature.  I've been following a core workout routine on youtube for about 4 weeks? and it has been easier to do since the first time. I wish to be that proficient in drawing insyaallah

 It's not necessarily 10PM yet, but here I am at said cafe before unknowingly falling asleep at rumah inah for 2 hours. Today hopefully we'll get some work done  That was 4 days ago, when we had a meeting assigning tasks for consultation. Today I am at another cafe, ordered a drink, went up and realized it was freezing cold. Is this freezeness directed? Because I am sitting quite far from the air-cond. Anyways, Not 30 mins in and my drink is already finished lol. I need a hand warmer at this rate.

13:17 It is peak lunch hour at Chicken Rice Shop I recently figured that I can park at the side (front) of dpulze so that covers the parking fees for me.  Actually just wanted to take a walk around starbees, but when I got out of the toilet, there was suddenly a fire. So I walked away and hopped on the car instead. Now here I am, having lunch 

 I've had my share with friends, the ones in tadika proved my negative thoughts right, that I will never be accepted. The ones in  sekolah rendah traumatized me, taught me that I will always be the last choice. The ones in highschool awaken me, that I could actually have friends if I put the effort in. Now the ones in uni healed me, in some ways, that I don't have to be so much just to require having friends.  Some, along the way, stays very dear to me. How 'azh' stays interested in my life without ever speaking since we bonded the most in form 3. How 'k' will always support me through my art journey as I do the same for him. How, my best friend, whom I made bonds with through very unexpected similarities still understands me in ways that no one ever could.